i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
