Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize