WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
