you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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