At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
