yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
