im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
