Are we in a gay sports bar?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
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