well you can't waste a boner
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
