she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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