I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i think im in europe. pls send help
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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