I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize