oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
