hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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