i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
