I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
