The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
