Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize