I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
