after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
