I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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