u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
