all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
