Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
