When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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