I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Randomize
