Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I got inside last night via doggy door
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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