Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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