WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Found the puke drawer
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
