I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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