i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
