Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
