Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
