No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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