O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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