That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
