I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
