why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
