that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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