Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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