dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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