are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
