those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
