Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
