I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
