it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
