tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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