I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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