I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
