Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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