i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
