Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
