i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
