the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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