girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
