"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
