Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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