fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
