there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The air taste purple.
Randomize
