I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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