So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
