Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
